Am i going to get there??

grrrrrr. thought after saturday i woulda been back on track but nooooooooooo i f*%ked up again!idno whats going on with my brain hey..
I broke my phone today,it dropped &smashed,screen utterally damaged so have no phone.Serves me right.i have pitty on myself right now..yesterday would of have to of been the BIGGEST yep BIGGEST binge of my life!it started with meal 2 and went on..
Its wednesday middle of the week & i couldnt even wait till the weeknd! grrrr.Im going backwards hey..like im wanting to do the comp on 2 1/2weeks.No way will i b ready! i just want a smashing body for summer in the long run! And if im going to Parklife (musci festival)which is in like 6weeks,i want a killer stomach! Im seeing Mike friday..gota see what he says bout the comps coming up soon.
If nothing ill probs go watch one &then wait till Central coast ANB in 6weeks.then Nationals 8weeks.
So yesterday DISASTER DAY!
i wanted to have the day off.coz the rest if the week i can train.
i slept in.was really good. Had my 1st meal. 5egg whites with 40g oats. Then i was still hungry after that,so i decided to make a big salad &out beans & cheese in it.Bad decision. then was still hungry after that..so had like 3bowls of oats!and then
cereal-weetbix with jam,peanut butter,biscuits,rice cakes,bread!!!
Mum made apple crumble o the weekend & i was saving it for this weekend ATE THAT!
I was seeing my friend that day was gona go surfing but its flat.I went to her house then we went up the mall to get lunch,my brain was still in "eat anything&everything mode"so i did it :-(
I bought myself this chicken avocado &seafood salad.so yum,ate it on the beach.Then we went & got Cold rock (icecream)where u can mix in different stuff.im still stong with the NO chocolate..i ordered - Regular size coconut&cake batter flavored icecream with caramel fudge&cookie doe mix in.geez how much sugars in that!?
After that yep still hungry so went and bought a protein bar& had these gluten free wafer biscuits i had in my car from saturday night. After that we went back to my friends house watch movies & fell asleep. fk i was depressed! idno why i keep doing this to myself... seriously..
Went home after that.thought it was all over but NOOOO it wasnt! drove past this bakery which has amazing food!! Bought a -Coconut jam slice,Honey&almond slice & this riccota tart.Ate it all on my drive home... :-( Got home kept it rolling.. had crackers&french dip.
Dinner time came not huingry at all... had some pumkin soup yeh go the carbs laura.U idiot!and then some meat&a bita salad. That was it for me done! bloated & sick.
Today ive cut all portions in 1/2 and no carbs. And tomorow i will have zero carbs too.
Just my protein and greens
Thats what i get for being an idiot!!! i deadset feel like actually DO have an eating disorder..
i need to overcome it though...jjusty get through this week sweet & keep battling on. I feel good after a few days & then when i sart seeign changes i get more motivated!
well i hope i do what i say. Coz alot of this good advice i give myself & sAY goes out the window..
gbye..